What Kris Jenner can teach us all about compassion

Image by DonnaSenzaFiato from Pixabay

Yes, that Kris Jenner. Of the Kardashians. Are you surprised to see her name pop up on my blog? Well, confession time: I've watched the Kardashians for years, from way back in the Keeping Up days. (Once upon a time I accidentally used my company credit card to purchase a season of Keeping Up on Amazon Prime—word to the wise: make sure your personal card is set as your default—and then had to go to my boss, an in-the-flesh modern Evelyn Waugh, and tell him this. And thankfully he had a great sense of humor and we had a good laugh.)

But anyway, I find them endlessly fascinating—Kris in particular. And yesterday a clip from Kanye West's just-released documentary In Whose Name? (directed by Nico Ballesteros) started making the media rounds. In it, Kris Jenner interacts with Kanye West in a highly-charged situation. I started watching through my fingers with squinted eyes, a little nervous about where it was going.

A note for my fellow highly-sensitive readers: what follows is the description and analysis of a tense interpersonal interaction involving mental health considerations. If this isn't what you need to hear about today, please know you have my full support to skip the rest!

The clip opens as Kanye declares an anti-medication stance, then smash-cuts to him confronting Kris in a more heated voice about the Kardashian family's involvement with his mental health. She listens closely and gives an answer to his question—and Kanye whipsaws into a screamed retort then paces the room. I was so startled I jumped.

But I quickly sat up straighter and more confidently as I watched Kris at the helm. She doesn't flinch, not one bit. Her body language doesn't get defensive; it rapidly gets pacifying: she glances down briefly, her shoulders following, and her stance softens to rest on one cocked hip. She waits for Kanye to pause, then says calmly, "I haven't finished the sentence." As he continues to rage and then almost walks out before confronting her again, she responds simply, "I love you. I love you. And I don't want you to be ... not perfect. I love you."

I would have been a quivering mess. Kris Jenner was nothing but steely velvet. Calm and compassionate in the face of such explosive intensity.

I've been thinking about it on and off since I saw it yesterday. Of course I don't know any of these folks personally and I'm not addressing Kanye's ideologies (nor commenting on him or his mental health—that's private and I wish all the best). But the clip is out there, it's powerful, and I think it's worth reflecting on.

Kanye's intensity got me thinking about what feels out of control right now, while Kris's self-possession and poise inspired me to reflect on compassion.

If you—like I, many of my students, and friends, and family, and the world—are feeling like life is out of control, let's borrow from Kris Jenner's playbook: stay calm, take a deep breath, and offer compassion. Whatever intense circumstances are raging in front of you, you can choose compassion. You can be O.K., despite what is happening outside of you. Compassion for others is also compassion for ourselves.

Let's stay compassionate.